‘These will not be the rantings of a chaotic mind’, she tells herself, fully aware that she’s spewing lies.
Some reflections on the past week in words;
Exhaustion– Earlier this week, I did a writing workshop with Rupi Kaur on instagram live and she asked us to free-write based on 12 different prompts. Exhaustion was one of them. Contemplating exhaustion: it’s a state of being so drained that you feel like there is nothing left to give anymore. The second wave of COVID-19 has swept its way through the country with violent and merciless aggression. Endless days of facing death, illness, telling loved ones’ families about poor prognoses, keeping a side room spare just so they can come in for the last breath, bending over backwards to avoid sending them to A+E because there are already 17 ambulances queued up outside and you don’t want them to die in the back of one all merge together. I’m stretched so thin at work because of staff sickness and amidst all this, I’m trying to keep myself well just so that I can keep going.
Peace- It’s not about the external, but the internal. I remember every once in a while that I have feet. Then I even try to feel them on the ground. I do this just before feeling the air in my lungs. I feel safe in the knowledge that a spark of the divine always resides within me. I try to wake up whilst everyone else is still asleep, simply to contemplate that fact with incense, sweet music, candlelight and coffee. This is the most sacred and beautiful part of my day.
Alignment– I had big old plans for 2021. Will they come into fruition? I have hope. Everything I desire to manifest is a true desire of the heart intended for expansion, growth and the evolution of consciousness and spirit. Asking my soul what she needs and residing in that frequency is what I feel, in my body as “alignment”. I want the things I want for a reason and the reason doesn’t come from a wounded place of attempted self sabotage. This means that even when faced with roadblock after roadblock, things flow easier when I know I am aligned. I feel grounded in this wisdom. Yet, I recognise that there is a fine line between hope and despair so I tread with caution and humility. Because nothing is truly in my control.
Sending love from my heart to yours,
Stay home; stay safe
P.S. I don’t know why I called this blog ‘peas’. The words kind of felt like peas? No? Okay never mind. You have a nice day.