gowrinair1

Feelings

I am so glad I didn’t have to wake up and go to work this morning. In fact, I woke up, did a long wee (even as a doctor I still feel awe at the bladder’s ability to stretch) and went straight back to bed for more restless, jumbled dreams about R-, people from myContinue reading “Feelings”

A-break-ening

I love Saturday mornings where I wake up with a buzz to drink coffee and write. Saturdays are starkly different to what they once were. My safe space has downsized from a three-bed-semi to a compact room in my uncle’s house where the study desk doubles up as a dressing table and, on rare occasion,Continue reading “A-break-ening”

R- efresh

Home is me, home is me, home is me. Remember this. Reading the last post as a witness to my own innocence and purity of love hits a nerve that plunges me into deep sadness, if only for a moment. Seeing the Gowri with nothing but love to give, to seal all the cracks, toContinue reading “R- efresh”

Home

Sunday evening and I find myself nursing a lukewarm decaf latte in a Starbucks about 10 miles away from my home. Before collecting my drink I paid a visit to the loo and wound up with wet culotte pants from floor water which I ended up crouching under the disabled bathroom hand dryer trying toContinue reading “Home”

Defiant

I have been so scared to open my heart here again since the safe space I created for myself did not exist in my mind for a long while. I know that there is only one way back: to write. In 2020 I’ve written the most I’ve ever written in my life. Privately. In journalsContinue reading “Defiant”

Joy

Here is a list of things that have been bringing me absolute joy as of late. Absolutely perfect evenings in England; cloaked in liquid sunshine, like honey trickling through leafy canopies, saturating the air with warmth. Feeling really stressed and pent up, then going for a run (preferably on one such aforementioned evening) and experiencingContinue reading “Joy”

Embracing Sobriety

My latest nose-dive into a book has been ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober’, by Catherine Gray (absolutely recommend). I bought it, half on impulse, half because it called to me. I’ve been alcohol free for about 6 weeks now. I drank my last can of beer with the rest of the quarantine crew inContinue reading “Embracing Sobriety”

Reclaiming my period

My period is my favourite time of the month. Things have shifted since the early 2000s where the period was that frustrating, confusing time that rendered my back to groan and my soul to fill with dread. Such was the pull of internalised patriarchy of matrilineal lines of several generations past. Such was the tendencyContinue reading “Reclaiming my period”

Brain Dirt

Rupi Kaur once said in an interview with Emma Watson that she needs to write a lot before the good stuff comes out. I really understand that. It’s like washing out a giant container filled with dirt and water with a high powered hose, vigorously attacking it until the dirt and silt and sand andContinue reading “Brain Dirt”

Three things to which I have stopped subscribing

Another Saturday morning in isolation. I’m two coffees and a flask of hot water in. It’s kind of lovely. I spent quite some time preparing for these very moments. Yesterday, after I got home from another day in Coronaville (the hospital I’m currently working in, excuse my flair for the dramatic) I threw my blueContinue reading “Three things to which I have stopped subscribing”