poetry

Interdependence

In meditation I had this vision that I will transform into poetry like an alchemist turns lead into gold.

Interdependence

You are sitting on a hard wooden chair
steeped in darkness
you cannot make out the floor from the walls
is there even a ceiling?
is this a vacuum?
The laws that govern the universe say
that a vacuum contains nothing
not even light
a void
abyss
with just you,
the chair,
you on the chair
with your head in your hands.

 

I see you from another space but why can’t you see me?
Has the darkness convinced you
that you are blind now and
your eyes no longer work?
I stare intently
at your white T-shirt
stretching over your arched back.
look at me ______.
Look at me, I’m here
right here.
You are so engulfed by the forcefield.

 

Yet from where I am
around me is a vast expanse
of meadows and trees
basked in liquid gold sunlight, which dances
like a pixie ballerina
toe-hopping from treetop to mountain to river to me
to my heart ‘til it fills me and I set a foot forward
into the darkness
one metre, two
I kneel next to you
I am taking your hand
Look at me________.
I’m here, right here,
please look at me, darling

 

I prise your hand open and take it in mine
You stand up, confused
disorientated
How long have you been there, my love?
Take one step,
Now two, now, three
Let me show you the place I just came from…
I think you’ll really like it.

 

Leaving the black behind we walk
like we’re in Narnia: another dimension
of light and love.
My light, My love.
Oh darling, let me do this for you
let me look at those wounds
let me pour all this love
that’s weighing my heart down
and open the dam
and flood what you don’t even know
is hurting
since you’re so used to the pain that
you think it is you
I tell you, it’s not.
Come here, my love
You won’t even feel it
anymore.
I’m here, right here
Where I will always be.

 

I thought this was where the story ended-
I was wrong.

 

We are running in the light
I look at your eyes,
at their blackness and whiteness,
then I can’t feel my legs
or my body
and I’m being ripped away
and you can’t hold on

 

fuck
where am I
Am I blind
I cannot make out the floor from the walls
is there a ceiling?
Is this a vacuum?
Am I dead?
I can’t be
I’m conscious
I can hear myself think
I can’t even remember where I was before this
is this my reality, is this
all there is?
I’m engulfed by this darkness.

 

I’m not sure how long I wait.
Does time exist in a place like this?
I am confused
disorientated
so that when you get there
I can’t really see you
but I know the roughness
of those hands
the hairs on the back
the strength of that grip
as you pull me somewhere else
a little brighter

I see your face
as I’m drawn into the heaven you just came from
and you are so beautiful
the most beautiful thing
I’ve cast my weak eyes on.
I cannot help but delve into your arms
I thought I was the one to guide you
I could not be more wrong
your strength is mine
I am moved to tears
and we dance.

 

poetry, Self Development

Writing myself better: Chapter 3

If you know me… try and read it like I’m saying it. No. Performing it. Love, Gowri x

The voice without words

This is not a poem
or a piece of spoken word
or a shard my heart
penned down to be heard
by you
for you
about you
or any of the others
who cracked me open
‘til composure was broken
These words are the crumbs
that have fallen off my soul
so the universe may fill
the remaining hole
with light.

 

It all starts with love
which flows as rivers, doused
in your essence
and yours… and yours
through my infrastructure,
sheer pressure of its tears
forcing out my eyes
until I am blind
and I fall to the ground
on all fours, feeling
for whatever is around
to help when I am helpless
and whilst on my knees
I stay
I pray
and receive nothing short
of clarity, solidarity
and the deep seated knowing
of my inner guide glowing
what Rumi called
the voice without words
was no longer quiet
she screamed.

You are whole
you are one
you cannot break
they cannot break you
they have never come close
they never will
you great thing of beauty
you phenomenon of love
you model of integrity
you are what is right
you are the light
they only see your worth
when you are gone
they crave your presence
when they’re crushed by your absence
it’s your calling, my dear
to see it now
revel in it
live in it
love in it
do not apologise, my dear
for you are so strong
so very complete
that another repeat
of life’s rock bottom
is a place of peace,
of pure release
where the outcome of surrender
favours you above all.
Go forth without fear, my dear
for there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

-Gowri Nair